Gross House Department: Would You Buy A Mattress Boasting a Heart-Shaped Placenta Stain?

Published August 24, 2011 by Candy Evans

If this doesn’t cement the fact that Duxiana is the best bed ever,I do not know what will. OK, kind of weird-ass here, but bear with me. Have you ever slept at someones’ house (as I did recently) and changed the sheets, only to find the mattress pad was grotesquely stained? Now I am married to an obstetrician: it takes a lot to gross me out. But I will place layers of towels over something like that, even under the sheets, then pop an Ambien. (Hint: check the mattress pad on your guest room bed. Buy a new one at Tuesday Morning for like $20 if it’s gross.) So I almost gagged when I saw that someone in Dallas is selling  was selling, post removed, on Craig’s List a Tempur-pedic bed with a “heart-shaped” placenta stain for $500. To explain away the groddy stains on one side of the foam — and a huge reason why I don’t like foam beds — this is how the sellers spun it:

“Although there are some slightly noticeable afterbirth stains on one side of the mattress (see bottom picture), they have been thoroughly sanitized and are also shaped like a heart. This could be a romantic addition for anyone looking to add that extra spark to your love life. Placenta/bloodstains easily covered by your favorite linens. Whether you are looking for a good-luck charm to help with a child of your own or simply recognize the luxurious comfort of a top-quality mattress at a superb value, this mattress is sure to satisfy.”

Don’t you agree the seller deserves an award for a brilliant marketing approach? But seriously folks: who’s going to pay $500 for a bed bearing a “romantic” placenta stain. And does that mean the previous owner gave birth on the bed at home?

This is another reason why I so love the Dux beds. They have a mattress top-pad (like a pillow top that comes off) that can be cleaned and even replaced apart from the mattress. By the way, the Swedish-made mattresses last for generations. Duxianas are made with two miles of continuous steel wire to make up 4980 springs in the bed. (Most mattresses have 1000 springs.) The latex is natural rubber and well away from the top-pad, so less chance of “placenta” staining.  Synthetic foam may feel great and conform to your body, but it stains easily and you can never scrub it off without destroying it. Once I cleaned a foam mattress with Clorox and it actually dissolved.

I donated the bed, pre Craig’s List. Too bad I didn’t have the cajones to sell that mattress and spin it with something like:

“Though this mattress appears to have been gnawed by an animal, it’s really just the result of a few impassioned nights. You, too, can rev up your engines with a toss in the old sheets on this mattress because they will cover up any imperfections, completely.”

Duxiana top-pad: cleanable, replaceable

— Daily Local Real Estate Dish By Dallas Real Estate Insider — Candy Evans at CandysDirt.com